Many people, across many areas of the country, have questions about pronouns or need a comprehensive resource to refer back to. We’re providing pronoun info from our Jewish, Southern perspective – but there are many good pronoun resources out there!
“Pronoun” is a grammatical term for a word that refers to a noun but can function by itself in a sentence. When it comes to people, pronouns are used to refer to someone instead of their name. Everyone has pronouns, and everyone uses pronouns.
For example, instead of saying, “Abby won the kosher barbecue cook-off because Abby used Abby’s mother’s secret sauce,” you would more likely say, “Abby won the kosher barbecue cook-off because she used her mother’s secret sauce.”
She/her/hers and he/him/his are some commonly used personal pronouns – but they are by no means the only personal pronouns that exist!
A gender-neutral or gender-inclusive pronoun is a pronoun that does not associate a gender with the individual who is being discussed. Some languages have had gender-neutral or third-gender pronouns built into their grammar structure for a long time – but others, such as English, Hebrew, and Yiddish, do not. As notions of gender have evolved among people who use these languages, many forms of gender-neutral pronouns have emerged, allowing a wide array of gender and sexually diverse folks to feel seen and known.
When we don’t know the gender of the person we’re talking about, we often use gender-inclusive pronouns automatically. For example, we might say, “Whoever they are, I hope they’re having a good day.” However, we can know who we’re referring to and still use they/them/theirs pronouns; many folks who are nonbinary, trans, genderqueer, genderfluid, agender, or gender non-conforming may choose to use they/them/theirs pronouns.
For example, we might say, “Simon taught their friends about Rosh Hashanah because they were the only Jewish person in their class.”
Gender-diverse folks might also choose to use neopronouns. Neopronouns are alternative sets of gender-neutral pronouns that have come into English use more recently. Some examples are ze/hir, per/pers, ey/em,or xe/xem.
For example, if Basil uses ze/hir pronouns, we might say, “Basil spent hir Shabbat hiking, reading hir book, and eating the challah ze made.” (Both “ze” and “hir” are pronounced with a long “e” sound, as in “here”.)
Someone might also choose to use a name as a pronoun. For example, if Cam uses Cam’s name as Cam’s pronoun, you might say, “Cam used Cam’s tools to fix Cam’s car.”
Many people also use multiple sets of pronouns. You might see someone with “they/she” listed in a bio, or hear someone say, “I use he/they pronouns.” This means that the person uses both sets of pronouns, and you can alternate between those when referring to them. Some people like the folks around them to use an even mix of their pronouns, and others use one set of pronouns in one context and another set of pronouns in another, depending on safety or comfort level.
Everyone has a unique experience when it comes to their pronouns and the way those relate to their gender. The best approach is to listen to the way someone refers to themselves, or ask them considerately and directly – but only if the context seems appropriate. (Very few people want to be interrogated about their pronouns in, say, a business meeting.)
Here in the South, gendered language, especially honorifics like “ma’am” and “sir”, can be more common than in other areas of the country. It’s always best to avoid using gendered language when referring to someone unless you know what they are comfortable with. On the flip side, terms most commonly used in the South, such as “y’all” or “folks”, can be great ways to refer to a group of people while staying gender-neutral with your language!
